I think it's very funny how when I lose internet access I also have to explain to people that I lose my ability to make phone calls, and can't just use a wifi hotspot to get back online. I have no cell towers near enough to me that I can reliably get service (there is one corner of my bedroom I can occasionally get one bar, but it's mostly a phantom. It's not ideal, but on the bright side, I just saw a bunny outside my window, so on balance, I think I'm coming out ahead.
A thing in my possession: A bunch of Takis Are you familiar with Takis? They're a rolled tortilla chip, similar to a dorito if each one was rolled into a tube. But where doritos give you a pleasant nacho or ranch flavor, takis are a flavor explosion. The classic flavor is called Fuego and it is a surprisingly spice and sour flavor combination. They're so intense that when I first started eating them I could only eat one or two at a time before putting the bag down. I would come back though. But I learned that Takis makes a lot more flavors than just Fuego, so I set about trying them to see if any were as good.
The short answer is no, but some come close. I bought every flavor my local grocery store had (which was more than I expected) and have now tried them all. Here's my thoughts.
Guacamole: These taste unreasonably like guacamole. I don't really like guacamole, so they were never going to rate high for me, but I have to give them high marks for accuracy. None spicy as well, if you want that. Intense Nacho: These are the Taki version of a nacho cheese Dorito. They're not bad! Doritos still does it better, even if that's just familiarity talking. And they are intensely cheesy, which I don't think Doritos nacho flavor quite captures. None Spicy
Buckin Ranch: This is closely related to, but distinct from a cool ranch dorito. This feels less like trying to mimic those flavors, but instead asking what does ranch dressing actually taste like and can we turn that into a powder to put on our chips. The answer is yes. I also don't love ranch dressing, but these chips are more palatable to me than the guacamole ones are. None spicy
Blue Heat: Flavor wise these are just too close to Fuego. The whole time I was eating them, all I could really think was that I would rather be eating a different taki (fuego) I think the biggest defining feature is the very unnatural shade of blue they turn your mouth (and fingers if you're not using takis chopsticks to keep your fingers clean) High Spicy
Dragon Sweet Chili: These are really good. Where fuego takis are hot and sour, these are hot and sweet. They also aren't quite as spicy as fuego, and the flavor profile is distinct enough that I feel like they could find regular shelf space in my cabinet next to the fuego takis. Medium high spicy
Fuego: These are the gold standard. These are the ones the kids are singing about, the ones that set the bar. The ones that no other chip can compare to. These will blow out your palate and make your head spin. Highly recommended. High Spicy.
This Week's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Song of the Week is Group Hang
