KD^3C^3 - 20241215 Say, the sparrow wants a morbid arrow
I don't have much new to say this week, so I'm rerunning one of my favorite pieces. I don't think it exists on the internet anymore, since TinyLetter shut down.
A line by line breakdown of Friendtopia
Music video Starring Rachel Bloom, Vella Lovell, and Gabrielle Ruiz
Original song Written by Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger, Jack Dolgen, and Dan Gregor
Original song Written by Rachel Bloom, Adam Schlesinger, Jack Dolgen, and Dan Gregor
When my friends and I stick together, there's nothing we can't do.
This is a fairly typical opening of a Spice Girls pastiche that the song starts out as. (And ends as) However it also sets us up for the first punchline of the song, where the actual message comes into focus
And when I say that I specifically mean, we're gonna stage a coup
This is where we start seeing the metaphorical ideas of things like "Girls run the world, to the literal running of the world by this specific group of girls
With the power of our gossip giggles we'll storm the pentagon.
Gossip Giggles is not a term I was particularly familiar with on first hearing the song, but I think it is incredibly evocative. Taken literally, it could refer to a whisper/propaganda campaign to undermine the government bureaucracy currently embodied by the world's largest office building, The Pentagon. Home to many government agencies, and arguably the actual seat of power in the US where the white house is just the figurehead.
Then celebrate with bottomless mimosas on the white house lawn.
Here they embrace both their success at the overthrow of the executive branch but also their continued femininity by drinking from an unlimited supply of mimosas, typically considered a "girly brunch" drink. They are going to take over but not relinquish any of their womanhood in doing so.
We're gonna braid each other's hair
A fairly typical "girl group activity, often performed at sleepovers.” perhaps overly stereotypical, as something for this group of grown women to do, but if they feel this is the best way to express their friendship, than I'm not going to stop them
Then cut each others braids
Ah, so It seems they too are fighting against the stereotype itself, but making the braids, but cutting them off, they are throwing off your expectations of them. Instead they do what they want.
Connect the braids to build a rope.
The idea of women being connected through their shared struggle and throwing off their societal bonds. The metaphorical ropes of femininity and expectations thereof have now become literal ropes that they have built themselves.
To hang all of congress.
Then they're going to use this metaphorical turned literal rope to murder the entirety of both houses of congress. I think it says something about the power of women in this context that the rope they built was formed from the hair of a small number of women (three, and we'll get to who each of them are in just a moment) has the ability to kill the entire bicameral system. Imagine what could happen if all women stood up and fought back against the systems that oppress them.
Squad goals! Stay together forever!
A fairly typical use of the term squad goals, which I believe rose to prominence in reference to Taylor Swift's "squad," the group of women she was often seen hanging out with via her instagram account. Of course T-Swift’s squad was a highly manufactured event, despite the fact that they probably did have a lot of fun hanging out with each other and were, I'm sure, genuinely friends. T-Swift is in such control of her image, and that extends to her squad as well. That being said She and her squad were certainly aspirational. However it's worth noting that :Squad Goals” as a phrase was likely never something uttered by the original Spice Girls, as the term Squad wasn't in high usage outside sports when the Spice Girls rose to prominence. Here Rachel Bloom (and her team of co-writers) put an appropriately modern spin on the tropes they are using in their pastiche. Maybe Spice Girls never said Squad, but they would have today.
Squad Goals Take control of the banks!
No we see that this friendship cabal isn't content with murdering the legislative branch, but also seizing the reins of the financial sector as well. It's interesting because nationalizing the banks is often a political talking point (maybe not so much now with all the other terrible shit happening to our country) but a Group of women friends taking control is probably not what those folks had in mind. Once they have the banks, it will be much easier to implement the other plans they have outlined later in the song.
Squad goals don't let a man come between us
We're still maintaining that delicate balance between despotic leadership and empowering female friendships. That's because (as the song has already told us) one powers the other. You can't take control of the world if your besties aren’t the absolute best. An no besties would ever let that friendship be ruined by a man.
And if he does shoot him in the head
See? The power of running the word is too important. More important than any man. Men have truly become disposable (or at least replaceable) in the friendship based dystopia. What's a good name for that?
Ooooh, Friendtopia! A dystopia around our friendship
There it is. I'm all about those portmanteaus. I even used to run a podcast where we did our level best to make each title a portmanteau. (the podcast is gone now, sorry about that) . but the greater thing here is how the friendtopia, while explicitly a dystopia is still pretty great for those at the top. I also think it's worth noticing the self-awareness of the situation. Rarely in history has a group of despots taking over a country been called a dystopia from the beginning.
Friendtopia! Our manifesto is fun.
There's a double meaning here in that the manifesto is a great time to be had by all, but also the manifesto is just the singular word "Fun." Traditionally Manifestos are considered to be rather long incomprehensible screeds, although their actual length is more flexible. The archetypal example is the communist manifesto which comes in at 12,615 words (roughly 50 pages) is hardly a novel in length, despite what it's reputation may have you believe. However our despotic girl group has once again subverted expectations by having a manifesto that is incredibly short, but still incomprehensible. What does it mean to have a manifesto be a single word? Is it a command? A mission statement? Something else? The answer to all of these questions is the manifesto itself. Fun!
Zigga Zow!
Zigga zow is obviously a reference to the Spice Girls’ “Zigga Zig Ah” refrain in their chart topper Wannabe but by making it their own they avoid any claims of copyright infringement. “Is Zigga Zig Ah” copyrighted you ask? I'm glad you asked. All works are copyrighted in the US at the moment of creation and while individual words can't typically be copyrighted there's an argument to be made that Zigga Zig Ah is unique enough to be an original creation instead of just another word or phrase. It certainly could have been trademarked which is a whole different ball of wax. If it was trademarked then the production team of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend did the right thing in using a variant phrase. Trademarks have to be actively enforced or there’s a risk of losing them (see for example this video by the lawyers of Velcro)
Now that we have total control get ready for what's in store
The song has jumped in time here, from the future tense of "we are going to take over the world,” to the present tense of "we have taken over the world, now here's what we're going to do.”
Our reign will be like Sweet Valley High meets 1984
Referencing two very important historical works of fiction. Sweet Valley High is a series of over 700 books about the trials and tribulations of a world where teenagers are forever stuck in high school reliving the same experiences over and over again. For example there have been thirty five books about prom in the series, many of which contained the same characters. On its surface this is a sweet and romantic series for young adults but more lurks below. 1984 on the other hand is more explicit about its dystopia, "we have always been at war with Eastasia" is a mantra to indicate an eternal present that may constantly be in flux, but nothing ever changes. Big Brother is watching you, and Big brother Loves you. Just as much as these friends love each other
When one of Us gets dumped that becomes memorial day
This is the first of two lines that are playing the propaganda angle of the new rulers. While in reality nobody would be allowed to dump any of the three if they were actually allowed to date them in the first place. When a metaphorical (if not literal) dumping occurs it becomes a day of mourning and remembrance observed by the whole country, because the leader is the country and the country is their leaders.
All Agriculture will be devoted to making us Rosé
At first blush this is a terrible idea because if all agriculture is making them rosé there will be countless environmental and political disasters that befall this newly controlled nation. But if we look deeper they specifically that agriculture will be devoted to making rosé which involves more than just growing grapes and fermenting the juice of those grapes. You have to feed the nation of workers who grow the grapes and squish the grapes and ferment the grapes. And those things can all be done more efficiently if those working on the rose fields are well supported by a system of ...support. Things like doctors for when the rosé workers get sick, or people to build the roads on which we have to transport the rosé to the new white house. And One cannot live on rose alone, so there would need to be ways to feed the workers. There are countless other structures that will have to be in place to make this enormous undertaking feasible here in what I'm now calling the US of Rosé. When all that is taken into consideration things aren't that bad.
There's a really exclusive sushi place that never lets us in
This is another propaganda moment. Our rulers are just like us! They can't get into that cool sushi place either! Of course we understand that the whole thing is an elaborate ruse. Our fearless leaders can and do go wherever they want.
So when we don't get in we say "Let's just go home and drink rosé"
And what they want, what they really really want is to go home and drink rosé. But it's nice to think that they're drinking the same rosé that the rest of us are drinking, because it's our primary export and the number one way to stay hydrated!
Roll Call!
This segment of the song is a reference to the Spice Girls being called by their reductive nicknames (Sporty, Posh, Ginger, Scary and Baby) instead of their real names. However, as is in line with the taking back the control over their narratives that this song is all about, we get the names first, then the descriptors.
Rebecca the Brainy One
Head of Censorship and Mind Control
But who are these women who have taken over the world with the power of friendship? Well Rebecca (who is the smart one and arguably the future Beyonce to this groups Destiny's Child) runs two interrelated programs. Censorship and Mind Control are two sides of the same coin. You can control what people believe by controlling the information they receive.
Heather the cool one
"I put drugs in the water supply"
Shades of Brave New World here, where the populace is kept in check by mind altering chemicals. But instead of relying on the individuals to keep taking their meds every day (a significant flaw in many of these plans historically) our dear leaders administer the dosage directly into the water, thus ensuring everybody gets some.
Valencia, the Sexy One. Tsar of Torture!
Torture is bad, let's move on.
Oh Friendtopia! We nostalgically watch Hocus Pocus
I've never seen Hocus Pocus, but I've heard it's good.
Friendtopia "Aw! I love Hocus Pocus"
This is often how I've heard Hocus Pocus is good. I never watched it as a kid because I thought it would be a very scary movie and I don't deal well with scary movies. I've since been informed that it's actually not that scary. There's also a sequel coming out and it has its center a teen lesbian romance. So that's cool.
Friendtopia All citizens must watch Hocus Pocus or they will be killed!
Guess I should watch Hocus Pocus. [Editor's note: since the original writing of this essay I have since seen Hocus Pocus. It's pretty good. I even did an episode of my podcast about it.]
Zigga Zow
I should mention the awesome arm motions that go along with this line in the video. Think Charlie's Angels.
This is a fairly typical opening of a Spice Girls pastiche that the song starts out as. (And ends as) However it also sets us up for the first punchline of the song, where the actual message comes into focus
And when I say that I specifically mean, we're gonna stage a coup
This is where we start seeing the metaphorical ideas of things like "Girls run the world, to the literal running of the world by this specific group of girls
With the power of our gossip giggles we'll storm the pentagon.
Gossip Giggles is not a term I was particularly familiar with on first hearing the song, but I think it is incredibly evocative. Taken literally, it could refer to a whisper/propaganda campaign to undermine the government bureaucracy currently embodied by the world's largest office building, The Pentagon. Home to many government agencies, and arguably the actual seat of power in the US where the white house is just the figurehead.
Then celebrate with bottomless mimosas on the white house lawn.
Here they embrace both their success at the overthrow of the executive branch but also their continued femininity by drinking from an unlimited supply of mimosas, typically considered a "girly brunch" drink. They are going to take over but not relinquish any of their womanhood in doing so.
We're gonna braid each other's hair
A fairly typical "girl group activity, often performed at sleepovers.” perhaps overly stereotypical, as something for this group of grown women to do, but if they feel this is the best way to express their friendship, than I'm not going to stop them
Then cut each others braids
Ah, so It seems they too are fighting against the stereotype itself, but making the braids, but cutting them off, they are throwing off your expectations of them. Instead they do what they want.
Connect the braids to build a rope.
The idea of women being connected through their shared struggle and throwing off their societal bonds. The metaphorical ropes of femininity and expectations thereof have now become literal ropes that they have built themselves.
To hang all of congress.
Then they're going to use this metaphorical turned literal rope to murder the entirety of both houses of congress. I think it says something about the power of women in this context that the rope they built was formed from the hair of a small number of women (three, and we'll get to who each of them are in just a moment) has the ability to kill the entire bicameral system. Imagine what could happen if all women stood up and fought back against the systems that oppress them.
Squad goals! Stay together forever!
A fairly typical use of the term squad goals, which I believe rose to prominence in reference to Taylor Swift's "squad," the group of women she was often seen hanging out with via her instagram account. Of course T-Swift’s squad was a highly manufactured event, despite the fact that they probably did have a lot of fun hanging out with each other and were, I'm sure, genuinely friends. T-Swift is in such control of her image, and that extends to her squad as well. That being said She and her squad were certainly aspirational. However it's worth noting that :Squad Goals” as a phrase was likely never something uttered by the original Spice Girls, as the term Squad wasn't in high usage outside sports when the Spice Girls rose to prominence. Here Rachel Bloom (and her team of co-writers) put an appropriately modern spin on the tropes they are using in their pastiche. Maybe Spice Girls never said Squad, but they would have today.
Squad Goals Take control of the banks!
No we see that this friendship cabal isn't content with murdering the legislative branch, but also seizing the reins of the financial sector as well. It's interesting because nationalizing the banks is often a political talking point (maybe not so much now with all the other terrible shit happening to our country) but a Group of women friends taking control is probably not what those folks had in mind. Once they have the banks, it will be much easier to implement the other plans they have outlined later in the song.
Squad goals don't let a man come between us
We're still maintaining that delicate balance between despotic leadership and empowering female friendships. That's because (as the song has already told us) one powers the other. You can't take control of the world if your besties aren’t the absolute best. An no besties would ever let that friendship be ruined by a man.
And if he does shoot him in the head
See? The power of running the word is too important. More important than any man. Men have truly become disposable (or at least replaceable) in the friendship based dystopia. What's a good name for that?
Ooooh, Friendtopia! A dystopia around our friendship
There it is. I'm all about those portmanteaus. I even used to run a podcast where we did our level best to make each title a portmanteau. (the podcast is gone now, sorry about that) . but the greater thing here is how the friendtopia, while explicitly a dystopia is still pretty great for those at the top. I also think it's worth noticing the self-awareness of the situation. Rarely in history has a group of despots taking over a country been called a dystopia from the beginning.
Friendtopia! Our manifesto is fun.
There's a double meaning here in that the manifesto is a great time to be had by all, but also the manifesto is just the singular word "Fun." Traditionally Manifestos are considered to be rather long incomprehensible screeds, although their actual length is more flexible. The archetypal example is the communist manifesto which comes in at 12,615 words (roughly 50 pages) is hardly a novel in length, despite what it's reputation may have you believe. However our despotic girl group has once again subverted expectations by having a manifesto that is incredibly short, but still incomprehensible. What does it mean to have a manifesto be a single word? Is it a command? A mission statement? Something else? The answer to all of these questions is the manifesto itself. Fun!
Zigga Zow!
Zigga zow is obviously a reference to the Spice Girls’ “Zigga Zig Ah” refrain in their chart topper Wannabe but by making it their own they avoid any claims of copyright infringement. “Is Zigga Zig Ah” copyrighted you ask? I'm glad you asked. All works are copyrighted in the US at the moment of creation and while individual words can't typically be copyrighted there's an argument to be made that Zigga Zig Ah is unique enough to be an original creation instead of just another word or phrase. It certainly could have been trademarked which is a whole different ball of wax. If it was trademarked then the production team of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend did the right thing in using a variant phrase. Trademarks have to be actively enforced or there’s a risk of losing them (see for example this video by the lawyers of Velcro)
Now that we have total control get ready for what's in store
The song has jumped in time here, from the future tense of "we are going to take over the world,” to the present tense of "we have taken over the world, now here's what we're going to do.”
Our reign will be like Sweet Valley High meets 1984
Referencing two very important historical works of fiction. Sweet Valley High is a series of over 700 books about the trials and tribulations of a world where teenagers are forever stuck in high school reliving the same experiences over and over again. For example there have been thirty five books about prom in the series, many of which contained the same characters. On its surface this is a sweet and romantic series for young adults but more lurks below. 1984 on the other hand is more explicit about its dystopia, "we have always been at war with Eastasia" is a mantra to indicate an eternal present that may constantly be in flux, but nothing ever changes. Big Brother is watching you, and Big brother Loves you. Just as much as these friends love each other
When one of Us gets dumped that becomes memorial day
This is the first of two lines that are playing the propaganda angle of the new rulers. While in reality nobody would be allowed to dump any of the three if they were actually allowed to date them in the first place. When a metaphorical (if not literal) dumping occurs it becomes a day of mourning and remembrance observed by the whole country, because the leader is the country and the country is their leaders.
All Agriculture will be devoted to making us Rosé
At first blush this is a terrible idea because if all agriculture is making them rosé there will be countless environmental and political disasters that befall this newly controlled nation. But if we look deeper they specifically that agriculture will be devoted to making rosé which involves more than just growing grapes and fermenting the juice of those grapes. You have to feed the nation of workers who grow the grapes and squish the grapes and ferment the grapes. And those things can all be done more efficiently if those working on the rose fields are well supported by a system of ...support. Things like doctors for when the rosé workers get sick, or people to build the roads on which we have to transport the rosé to the new white house. And One cannot live on rose alone, so there would need to be ways to feed the workers. There are countless other structures that will have to be in place to make this enormous undertaking feasible here in what I'm now calling the US of Rosé. When all that is taken into consideration things aren't that bad.
There's a really exclusive sushi place that never lets us in
This is another propaganda moment. Our rulers are just like us! They can't get into that cool sushi place either! Of course we understand that the whole thing is an elaborate ruse. Our fearless leaders can and do go wherever they want.
So when we don't get in we say "Let's just go home and drink rosé"
And what they want, what they really really want is to go home and drink rosé. But it's nice to think that they're drinking the same rosé that the rest of us are drinking, because it's our primary export and the number one way to stay hydrated!
Roll Call!
This segment of the song is a reference to the Spice Girls being called by their reductive nicknames (Sporty, Posh, Ginger, Scary and Baby) instead of their real names. However, as is in line with the taking back the control over their narratives that this song is all about, we get the names first, then the descriptors.
Rebecca the Brainy One
Head of Censorship and Mind Control
But who are these women who have taken over the world with the power of friendship? Well Rebecca (who is the smart one and arguably the future Beyonce to this groups Destiny's Child) runs two interrelated programs. Censorship and Mind Control are two sides of the same coin. You can control what people believe by controlling the information they receive.
Heather the cool one
"I put drugs in the water supply"
Shades of Brave New World here, where the populace is kept in check by mind altering chemicals. But instead of relying on the individuals to keep taking their meds every day (a significant flaw in many of these plans historically) our dear leaders administer the dosage directly into the water, thus ensuring everybody gets some.
Valencia, the Sexy One. Tsar of Torture!
Torture is bad, let's move on.
Oh Friendtopia! We nostalgically watch Hocus Pocus
I've never seen Hocus Pocus, but I've heard it's good.
Friendtopia "Aw! I love Hocus Pocus"
This is often how I've heard Hocus Pocus is good. I never watched it as a kid because I thought it would be a very scary movie and I don't deal well with scary movies. I've since been informed that it's actually not that scary. There's also a sequel coming out and it has its center a teen lesbian romance. So that's cool.
Friendtopia All citizens must watch Hocus Pocus or they will be killed!
Guess I should watch Hocus Pocus. [Editor's note: since the original writing of this essay I have since seen Hocus Pocus. It's pretty good. I even did an episode of my podcast about it.]
Zigga Zow
I should mention the awesome arm motions that go along with this line in the video. Think Charlie's Angels.